moonbeam
Are You....
About the weekend...
haha, ok, so I changed my mind, yes yes, I'm gonna write about my week now, sorry...
SO, Monday, I had school then ballet. aand that might've been it
Tuesday, snowstorm soo hanging w/ someone was cancelled, damn. but I did watch Amelie, which is an amazing film, everyone who doesn't mind reading subtitles should see it.
Wednesday, I had a doctors appt. In which, I am now on legal stimulants for ADD, yay! Also it's almost definant now that I hv. hypoglicemia, and may soon have to increase my intake of Zoloft. joy! Also Zappa Snacks came! SO, haha I def. ate the cookie dough and spit out the chocolate chips, I'm going through chocolate withdrawl..how many days til easter? Then I had jazz in which we saw what ouir costumes would look like-the theme is "born to be wild" so our level is wearing orange biker shorts with a tank top with flames on it that says "Dance", sexy I know! Then a voice lesson.
Thursday, I had Ballet/Pointe, and we started learning our recital piece. get this, it's sounds like something off of a renaissanse CD, when really it's this mix of different styles of Disney music, haha, it entitled mainstreet somethin... Then I went to a CALL BACK for Aladdin' and who should be the prospective Aladdin but Andy P.! Hvn't seen him in ages, not since we did Dickens together in 02'. It went well. and THEN, I went to Steve's Youth Group, in which I completely missed his band playing by TWO friggin' minutes (which coincidently, was the amt. of time it took me to find a parking space. I saw some familiar faces, Katie, Kevin, Laura, Caitlin K, Jeremy...and met some of Steve's friends, all of whom were really nice. Then the band Jonah 33 played, they were amzing. I got to go on steve's shoulders and take a picture. Then there was the head banging, and the jumping...yeah there was def. a bit of a crowd... then something I actually didn't expect happened, they played Christian Rock music, and just seeing everyone so in tune w/ the music, w/ their hands up as if feeling god "feeding them" was truly an amazing experience. I feel like I had a revelation! really! The lead of the band was telling a bunch of stories, and throwing out all these mind boggeling truths that REALLY helped me to believe more. B/c this year, I couldn't decided if god existed, when there was so much evidence against him. I felt like I needed FACTS. Well one cool story was about this Chief on an Indian reserve they played @. The Chied came up to them afterwards and told him this story. He and his boss were walking along, and the boss was having his house built. The boss went up the latter, took a wrong turn and fell 20 feet and landed on the concrete slab below on him back. Blood. No breath. No heart beat. So the chief said a prayer like "Devil I know you are the head of death, and you intend to take my friend, but you can't have him. In Jesus' name I pray, restore breath in this man's body." Just then, this man took a bloody breath and sat up. Then he talked about how Jesus said "You need to be working or you need to be harvested." he told us of his own faults, and explained how we need to be doing something worth while, and that you can't LET yourself die! and when he sang another song, I found myself quietly singing along with the others with tears in my eyes. I have been letting myself die all year, and have been going astray of what I planned to do. Then he told us all to get with some friends and just confess all our feelings. All of the groups had their arms around eachother as if about to go play a football game, and we all had our heads together. I was w/ Katie, Jeremy, and Kevin. I said "I guess I'll go first. Before I came in here I didn't believe in any of this. I've been going through a lot this year. Clinical Depression, ADD, hypoglicemia, and I feel like I'm being pulled every which way and I thought, 'how could god exist?' But now that I look around me and see everyone like this, this is all the proof I need, that there's just gotta be Something there." I found that Jeremy felt that he needed fact as well. Katie said we were in her prayers. It gave me hope. Afterwards, I got their autographs and told the singer that what he had said had REALLY helped and to keep doing what he was doing. We got some more pictures and my new found friends invited me next Thursday, and I look forward to it, while hopefully I don't have rehearsal for Aladdin.
Friday, I was a lazy bum all day, except, well, I did clean the kitchen up, that NEEDED to be done. then I went and saw the best guy friend EVER! SHAYNE! My mom n' I drove out to Elmira (b/c Sarah H. never got bk to me and I would've gotten lost on my own) to see him in Pippin'. He was the Leading Player. He's sooo fucking talented. Was ALWAYS in character, AMAZING dancing, facial expression, and oh my his VOICE! I saw his mom again, and met him grandma, aunt/voice teacher and friends. I gave him a whole bunch of hugs, he's a great hugger. Its funny, we talk a ton online, but when I saw him, I couldn't think of anything to say. We got home around 2am.
Saturday was my 1st day on the new meds, kinda made me feel a tad bit nautious at 1st. I had Ballet, then an acting lesson, it was a good one too; Lucille's teaching me improv, which, I def. can't do yet. Then there was Sarah M, and Lindsay A's B-day PARTAY. SOoo much fun! Although I felt awkward b/c almost everyone there was part of a couple. also, there was chocolate candy, cake, drove me insane, so I had a lot of cheese puffs instead. Watched Back to the Future, played games, and just had fun! Then there was gonna be a movie night w/ Rob home n' all, but Rob was grounded for a reason even I see as stupid. It sucked. So I created my new subprofile, and updated some other things. Also I watched "Lost In Translation" w/ Amy for some "sisterly bonding time" b4 she went bk to college the next day. the movie was good, the acting was exceptional, but just in general it moved along very slowly and was a bit boring b/c of that.oh yeah, I also found put that I got the part of Jasmine (now jade, name change b/c Disney copyrighted the name jasmine) in Aladdin w/ Magic Circle Theatre!
Sunday, I cleaned my room and did laundry, a VERY big 'feat. then around 10pm I started on all the work that was due last week. After 50 notecards the meds were startin' to ware off and I got a lil nausiated again, soo I decided to come down here and write this journal and waste time. but now that it's monday I really need to get a move on.
good morning.
SO, Monday, I had school then ballet. aand that might've been it
Tuesday, snowstorm soo hanging w/ someone was cancelled, damn. but I did watch Amelie, which is an amazing film, everyone who doesn't mind reading subtitles should see it.
Wednesday, I had a doctors appt. In which, I am now on legal stimulants for ADD, yay! Also it's almost definant now that I hv. hypoglicemia, and may soon have to increase my intake of Zoloft. joy! Also Zappa Snacks came! SO, haha I def. ate the cookie dough and spit out the chocolate chips, I'm going through chocolate withdrawl..how many days til easter? Then I had jazz in which we saw what ouir costumes would look like-the theme is "born to be wild" so our level is wearing orange biker shorts with a tank top with flames on it that says "Dance", sexy I know! Then a voice lesson.
Thursday, I had Ballet/Pointe, and we started learning our recital piece. get this, it's sounds like something off of a renaissanse CD, when really it's this mix of different styles of Disney music, haha, it entitled mainstreet somethin... Then I went to a CALL BACK for Aladdin' and who should be the prospective Aladdin but Andy P.! Hvn't seen him in ages, not since we did Dickens together in 02'. It went well. and THEN, I went to Steve's Youth Group, in which I completely missed his band playing by TWO friggin' minutes (which coincidently, was the amt. of time it took me to find a parking space. I saw some familiar faces, Katie, Kevin, Laura, Caitlin K, Jeremy...and met some of Steve's friends, all of whom were really nice. Then the band Jonah 33 played, they were amzing. I got to go on steve's shoulders and take a picture. Then there was the head banging, and the jumping...yeah there was def. a bit of a crowd... then something I actually didn't expect happened, they played Christian Rock music, and just seeing everyone so in tune w/ the music, w/ their hands up as if feeling god "feeding them" was truly an amazing experience. I feel like I had a revelation! really! The lead of the band was telling a bunch of stories, and throwing out all these mind boggeling truths that REALLY helped me to believe more. B/c this year, I couldn't decided if god existed, when there was so much evidence against him. I felt like I needed FACTS. Well one cool story was about this Chief on an Indian reserve they played @. The Chied came up to them afterwards and told him this story. He and his boss were walking along, and the boss was having his house built. The boss went up the latter, took a wrong turn and fell 20 feet and landed on the concrete slab below on him back. Blood. No breath. No heart beat. So the chief said a prayer like "Devil I know you are the head of death, and you intend to take my friend, but you can't have him. In Jesus' name I pray, restore breath in this man's body." Just then, this man took a bloody breath and sat up. Then he talked about how Jesus said "You need to be working or you need to be harvested." he told us of his own faults, and explained how we need to be doing something worth while, and that you can't LET yourself die! and when he sang another song, I found myself quietly singing along with the others with tears in my eyes. I have been letting myself die all year, and have been going astray of what I planned to do. Then he told us all to get with some friends and just confess all our feelings. All of the groups had their arms around eachother as if about to go play a football game, and we all had our heads together. I was w/ Katie, Jeremy, and Kevin. I said "I guess I'll go first. Before I came in here I didn't believe in any of this. I've been going through a lot this year. Clinical Depression, ADD, hypoglicemia, and I feel like I'm being pulled every which way and I thought, 'how could god exist?' But now that I look around me and see everyone like this, this is all the proof I need, that there's just gotta be Something there." I found that Jeremy felt that he needed fact as well. Katie said we were in her prayers. It gave me hope. Afterwards, I got their autographs and told the singer that what he had said had REALLY helped and to keep doing what he was doing. We got some more pictures and my new found friends invited me next Thursday, and I look forward to it, while hopefully I don't have rehearsal for Aladdin.
Friday, I was a lazy bum all day, except, well, I did clean the kitchen up, that NEEDED to be done. then I went and saw the best guy friend EVER! SHAYNE! My mom n' I drove out to Elmira (b/c Sarah H. never got bk to me and I would've gotten lost on my own) to see him in Pippin'. He was the Leading Player. He's sooo fucking talented. Was ALWAYS in character, AMAZING dancing, facial expression, and oh my his VOICE! I saw his mom again, and met him grandma, aunt/voice teacher and friends. I gave him a whole bunch of hugs, he's a great hugger. Its funny, we talk a ton online, but when I saw him, I couldn't think of anything to say. We got home around 2am.
Saturday was my 1st day on the new meds, kinda made me feel a tad bit nautious at 1st. I had Ballet, then an acting lesson, it was a good one too; Lucille's teaching me improv, which, I def. can't do yet. Then there was Sarah M, and Lindsay A's B-day PARTAY. SOoo much fun! Although I felt awkward b/c almost everyone there was part of a couple. also, there was chocolate candy, cake, drove me insane, so I had a lot of cheese puffs instead. Watched Back to the Future, played games, and just had fun! Then there was gonna be a movie night w/ Rob home n' all, but Rob was grounded for a reason even I see as stupid. It sucked. So I created my new subprofile, and updated some other things. Also I watched "Lost In Translation" w/ Amy for some "sisterly bonding time" b4 she went bk to college the next day. the movie was good, the acting was exceptional, but just in general it moved along very slowly and was a bit boring b/c of that.oh yeah, I also found put that I got the part of Jasmine (now jade, name change b/c Disney copyrighted the name jasmine) in Aladdin w/ Magic Circle Theatre!
Sunday, I cleaned my room and did laundry, a VERY big 'feat. then around 10pm I started on all the work that was due last week. After 50 notecards the meds were startin' to ware off and I got a lil nausiated again, soo I decided to come down here and write this journal and waste time. but now that it's monday I really need to get a move on.
good morning.
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I can't describe it and I can't hide it. - I found who I am supposed to love to pieces: Everyone.
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